Blake O'Hare .com

You May Use One Index Card

Tags: School, Silly
So you've got a test coming up, and your professor says, "You may write anything you want on 1 index card and use it on the test."

Here are some tips on how to maximize the bytes per index card ratio...

  • Use .03mm tip pens. You can find them at Art supply stores. And then practice by writing on rice grains. You'll probably want to invest in a magnifying glass.
  • Index cards are thick. Get a very sharp razor and "split" the corner into its layers. peel the index card apart so that you now have double the writing surface.
  • Fill up the entire index card with red ink. Then write over it with blue ink. Wear red/blue 3-D glasses and depending on what you want to read, close the corresponding eye.
  • They do make 5" x 8" "index cards", you know. Did your teacher specify?
  • On the same note, you could get a large sheet of poster board paper and draft the pink and blue lines on it.
  • Learn and write in Traditional Chinese.
  • Does it have to be handwritten? If not, use Flyspeck 3. Bonus points if you combine this with the 3D glasses trick above. You might want to invest in a microscope, too.
  • Before you print your notecard pipe it through gzip, then learn to decode gzipped text in your head.
  • Use a micro-black hole to warp spacetime in and around your card to make it much bigger. Wear a lead cup though, you know, Hawking Radiation, dangerous stuff...
  • Manipulate the fibers to grow bioelectronic features into your notecard. Suggested features are a touch-sensitive LCD and a Large Flash Drive.
  • And the finale: how to take 1 BILLION index cards into a test and it still technically counts as one. Consider 1 index card. Build a time machine. Go 30 days into the future and track yourself down. Politely ask yourself to give you the same index card you already have. Now go back to the present. You ow have two cards that are still technically the same card. You know who also has two cards that are still technically one? Yourself 29 days from now! Go forward. Fetch. Go back. You now have 4 cards. By doing this 30 times you will have 1,073,741,824 index cards that are still technically "one" index card. Only problem is if you write on it, then you'll have 1 billion cards that say the same thing. Just make sure you write in pencil, and each time you take a card from your future self, you take an eraser too.